Archive for the rants Category

PUT A SOCK IN IT

Posted in musings, rants, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2010 by kimmy

Must I hear another long-winded explanation?  Frankly, it bores me to tears.  Who cares about your painstaking mental processes, I’ve got better things to do.

You think you’re the only one with problems?  This might be hard for you to believe, but the last time I checked you were not the only person inhabiting the globe.  In case you forgot, there are a few (billion) others with agenda just as important as your own.  Try not to take it personally.

Oh, stop pouting!  It isn’t nearly as appealing as you think.  If you want to stage a tantrum, you’ll have to find another audience because I’ve already seen the show.  The scene where you hold your breath and turn blue no longer holds me rapt.  In fact, that’s probably when you’ll find me in the lobby. . . looking for Raisinettes.

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APOCALYPSO

Posted in rants, social commentary, writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2010 by kimmy

Why the secrecy?  Why don’t they just line us up and shoot us, throw us in mass graves, raid our homes and bank accounts and be done with it?  There really isn’t any need for formality; we all know that we’re at the mercy of monolithic corporations.  Pretending that we have feelings and rights just makes it worse.

Of course once we’re all dead and all the world’s resources safely tucked away, there will be nobody to wait their tables.  Or mow their grass, watch their addled-brained children, sew their couture fashions or buy their wasteful products. 

Slave labor… now there’s an idea.  Don’t think it hasn’t been discussed in the boardroom at Haliburton.  They’re just trying to frame it in such a way that we’ll actually ask them for the shackles and thank them when they turn the key. 

It’s not preposterous; it’s happening now.

YOU allow elected officials to turn over millions of tax dollars to private business.  YOU allow representatives to wage war in foreign countries.  YOU permit off-shore drilling and deforestation.  YOU refuse to vote out incumbents.  YOU turn a blind eye to misdeeds provided YOU are not inconvenienced.  And now YOU are appalled by the physical and fiscal disasters that pock-mark the world.  What did YOU expect, the return of Eden? 

The world is not run by charitable foundations.  It’s time to turn off the Barney tape that’s been endlessly playing and distracting you from behaving like an adult, and assume responsibility.  That is… if it’s not already too late.  Those who have been busy profiting while we slept are unlikely to graciously withdraw.    The only safety measures they are truly interested in are the ones that keep money flowing… to them.  

There will be no clean-up, no compensation to those adversely affected.  Those funds will be tied up in litigation for years… another safety contingency designed with corporate interest in mind.  We will however be treated to expensive media blitzes full of pacifying sounds and colors, à la Barney and Friends, which will lull us back into collective stupor and free them to conduct business as usual. 

Don’t weep for the ocean and its living creatures; weep for yourself and your inaction.  The mess you see without reflects the mess within.

JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN

Posted in rants, social commentary, writing with tags , , , , , on December 6, 2009 by kimmy

If one more person counsels patience, I’m going to scream.  I don’t need to hear another patronizing remark about how these events are strengthening me; I want results!

I’ve had it with being stretched to the limit and expected to smile through the pain.  This is absolutely ridiculous.  What is it about the piggyback habits of others?  Are they so special that their feet cannot touch the ground?

More importantly, how did they get there?  Have I been so brainwashed that I yield without question and add my voice to their complaints?   It seems this world is occupied with nothing but wounded souls either demanding attention that they are incapable of giving, or lavishing attention that they are incapable of getting.

I am tired of melodrama.  I have no desire to ride this emotional rollercoaster.  I fully understand that addiction to the thrillride is appealing to many, but I’m not one of them.  I find no fulfillment in death-defying loops that switchback on themselves.  Why go around and around and get no where?

Nor do I want to feel dizzy.  The novelty of being off-balance has long since worn off.  It might have served a useful purpose when inertia was slowly suffocating me, but the logjam was broken a while ago.  Is it really necessary to keep living in a blender set to frappé?

It’s said that in order to operate from a sturdy foundation, the entire structure sometimes has to be razed and rebuilt.    If that’s true then it might be the lack of my own internal scaffolding that truly is the bother.  Operating without form creates a greater dependency on the good will of others… the very same people incapable of reliance.  Little wonder that I’m so short-tempered.

I am in essence a kite without tether.  Is it possible to exist, happily exist, with neither internal compass nor asking for directions?  Maybe it’s the meandering that is the sole point of this exercise.  If I can conjure a little empathy for the wailing of others -or at least learn to tolerate them-  perhaps I’ll even develop a little for myself.

CORPORATE HOSE JOB

Posted in politics, rants, social commentary with tags , , , , , , , on December 2, 2009 by kimmy

Bend over and grab your ankles because the corporate monster wants your ass.  Don’t even think about being wined and dined; you’ll be lucky if you can manage to get your pants off in time.  The business of the United States is business, so assume the position.

And you can stop the liberal kaffeklatsching because your voice was silenced years ago.  Nobody cares about your rights.  All that fluff about the Constitution is nothing but that:  a pile of fuzz meant to distract you from the menial work you’re obliged to perform. 

You mean you didn’t notice the shackles around your feet?   Look down.   They’re the shiny happy ones with the Wii trademark embossed on the side.  Keep jumping and buying, my little serf friend, because you’ll never get off this farm.  And neither will your children or your great-grandchildren.  

You’ve amassed such a huge pile of debt that indentured servitude is your only option.  Consider yourself lucky; if you weren’t needed to keep that grist mill turning, you might be sweating it out in a debtor’s prison.

Oh, wait a minute… this is a debtor’s prison.  It’s just the extra-large house arrest variety with the flip-top work release option.  They think of everything. 

But don’t worry; everyone’s plugged into the same matrix.  As long as you’re kept doped and exhausted, who cares if you’re pimped out to the highest bidder?   Besides, even if you wanted recourse, to whom or what would you appeal?  There will be no one to hold sleazebag corporations accountable and they know it.

So relax and enjoy it.  You might find sitting a little painful, but that’s all by design.  Time is money and loafing around in chairs is counterproductive.  Remember… you’re a team player now.

FREAK SHOW

Posted in musings, personal, rants, social commentary, women, writing with tags , , , , , , on January 21, 2009 by kimmy

Why don’t they just put me in a side show and charge a dollar per viewing?  Come see the two-headed lady!  She lives!  Children and grown men will turn away in horror as I creep out from behind the ragged curtain and drag my misshapen body to the stage, the living embodiment of what will happen if you dare to live outside the box.

Will I suddenly be dropped from phone trees and potluck dinners because my principles do not marry well with the liberality of opinion at the table?  Heaven forbid I fail to carry the cause du jour without the proper amount of enthusiasm; somebody might suspect me of free-thinking and then I’ll be subject to ridicule and ostracization.  Isn’t living the cookie cutter American life the absolute pinnacle of achievement?  Brave people have suffered and died so that others may live quietly in suburbia.  Shouldn’t I show more gratitude by eagerly signing on and abandoning individualism?

Bad, bad Kimmy!  We’ll show you what happens to defiant young ladies. . .   First, we will humiliate and make an example of you.  We can’t have any loose cannon running around here, upsetting the natural order!  What would happen if every woman refused to resign herself?  Unacceptable!   Someone has to be responsible for all the world’s ills. . .  Then we will hunt you down like a dog and force you to wear a scarlet R for rebellious.  If any of your friends or family try to take you in, we’ll punish them as well.   Guilt by association is a chargeble offense.  For all we know, you might have learned these behaviors from your mother or grandmother.

It’s off to the circus with you!  Let’s see if a few months of hardscrabble life with toothless carnival workers and a jeering public won’t soften you up.  A vagabond’s life only sounds romantic.  Sooner or later, you’ll yearn for the comforts that only defeat can provide.

SCRAPING THE GOOP FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE

Posted in pop culture, rants, social commentary, writing with tags , , , , on November 2, 2008 by kimmy

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the insufferable Gwyneth Paltrow -pictured here with fellow attention-seeker and ersatz yogini Madonna- announces the ultimate cure for mediocrity. 

Sadly it does NOT include her plans to retire from film.  Instead she has launched a stunningly self-congratulatory blog, GOOP.com,  brimming with vague Heloise-esque tips for living a proper life.  “My life is good because I am not passive about it,” she scolds, admonishing the indolent reader.  “Don’t be lazy.” 

Alas, what can the unwashed masses do but hang their bovine heads in shame?  We have nothing to show for our miserable efforts.  Not many of us boast Oscar statuettes, trim thighs, and chic bi-coastal lives.  

Now we can relax, because GP has come to share the wealth of her vast experience.  By ingesting these nuggets of wisdom, we will live richer, ‘more nourished’ lives, lives which prior to her second coming were devoid of worth. 

It’s easy to become deluded in Hollywood.  Even more so when the starlet in question has led a life of extreme privilege and nepotism.  Her life, without question, has been charmed.  But it is not the result of hard work and determination, but of luxury and preferential treatment.  To claim otherwise is simply pandering to the reader.

It may come as as unpleasant suprise to Ms. P, but most adults are rational and know perfectly well how to manage their own lives.  They also resent being lectured, especially if the mouth in question is a snivelling elitist who spends 3 hours a day in the gym. 

It’s a pity that she doesn’t spend an equal amount of time working on her head.