CREATURE FROM THE PMS LAGOON

Monsters live among us.  I saw one in Walgreen’s yesterday, not surprisingly in the feminine hygiene aisle, ripping her husband to shreds.  Why he didn’t flee for his life was a mystery.  Instead, he stood in resignation while his bride morphed from benign pudginess into a screeching harpy with long claws and shark’s teeth.

I watched in horror as she swiped at him, leaving the flesh of his arm torn and hanging in dripping bits.  She stuffed the bloody skin and muscle into her cavernous mouth, and the sound of those razor teeth grinding the mass into pulp made my hair stand on end.

She swallowed it down and went back for more, tearing off his arm and gnawing the bone.   He only winced, asking her in the politest voice if she wanted any Midol.

The creature shook her head and tossed the now-bare bone to the floor.  She tore open his chest and punched a hole through the ribs.  I heard them breaking one by one.   Blood cascaded to the floor and sluiced down the aisle, engulfing the other shoppers.  She reached past the broken ribs and pulled out his heart, giving it a lick with her slimy black tongue before biting into it like a peach.

“Take me to Dairy Queen,” she said, blood running in rivulets between her teeth.  “I gotta have a double fudge Oreo blizzard.”

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2 Responses to “CREATURE FROM THE PMS LAGOON”

  1. LOL! But I wish women would try to control themselves a little better around that time…this is exactly why men say that women can’t rule the world, because they’re gonna launch a nuke while bleeding.

    Poor husband.

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