HIPPY HIPPY SHAKE

Here’s to the ladies who’ve got them.  I’m not talking about the stick-thin wafers slumping down the runways in Milan, but the proudly curvaceous who swing them with abandon.  Who wants to hear the disingenuous complaints of the underweight as they struggle to squeeze into size two jeans?  What a yawn.

Must we all look like a 12-year old geeks?  Was junior high so traumatic that we can’t leave it behind?  I don’t know about you, but asexuality holds no special appeal for me.  I’m no more interested in the hairless boy icons of Twilight than the faux sexuality of Victoria’s Secret models.  It’s doubtful Lili St. Cyr would have made the V.S. cut though she was the most popular lingerie model of the 1950s.  Then again her main employer, Frederick’s of Hollywood, never concealed what it was truly selling.

There’s something dangerously sexy and powerful about a set of unapologetic hips.  Not the sliced-down, photoshopped Demi Moore hips that beg the viewer to turn away from their real purpose, but the round, in-your-face, contrary-to-your-obnoxious-linear-thinking pair that challenge your belief system.  If they weren’t a threat, then why all the effort to reshape them?   There’s not enough Spanx in the world to compress them all. 

These are HIPS, people… childbearing and bootylicious, not scrawny Boy Scout shanks.  They are the cradle of life, the comfy lap, the orgasmic ground zero from which all movement springs.  And if you don’t believe that they can propel the inert, then you’ve never seen Shakira set hers loose on stage.  There might be scores of people, if not all on occasion, who lie… but these don’t.

It’s an odd phenomenon, but as women pulled away from shirtwaist mentality and embraced feminism in the 1970s, they dumped all vestiges of outward femininity.  Bras, girdles, corsets, stockings, slips, dresses and heels all given the heave-ho in an effort to not only catch up with men in the workplace, but to look like them, too.  Women in figure-enhancing clothing were considered counter-revolutionary, subject to party purge and sent off to labor camps… also known as home, where they toiled as housewives and mothers.   The choice to become a stay-at-home mom was considered inferior since natural processes paid nothing and couldn’t be performed by men.  Sad really that equal rights became less about equality than vilifying the female archetype.

Who said women were without power?  Religious authority?  It’s preposterous.  Women are and always have been equal to men; it’s only the unsure who quote doctrine to justify their action.  Or cower behind prejudice because they are terrified of being partnered with an equal.

Equality doesn’t necessarily mean homogenization.  What a boring world it would be if everyone looked and behaved the same.  Women are not built like men and isn’t that marvelous?  Despite the continuing effort of fashionistas, nature hasn’t caved and altered genetic predisposition.  But then… there are some things which even the dogged can’t change.

Consider the catsuit.  Designed to accentuate dips and curves, would it hold the same appeal if Adam West was wearing it in lieu of his cowl?  What about burlesque?  Tim Curry might have looked bi-scrumptious as Frankenfurter, but his best Jane Russell efforts were no match for the original.

Not that we have to reach into the dim past to find icons.  Beyoncé, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian all sport some seriously powerful motors that even personal trainers can’t whittle down.  Why should they?  A beautiful ass is always an asset.

Tired of those catcalls, girls?  Do you cringe whenever someone refers to your bottom as fat?  Sick of shopping in the junior department and finding nothing but preadolescent diapers?  Count yourself lucky.  You’re on top of the evolutionary pile.  Go ahead and take a seat, preferably atop all those whiny little bitches who can’t hold up their jeans without a belt.  Let them snicker; it’s the only way they can hold back the tears.

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One Response to “HIPPY HIPPY SHAKE”

  1. noskinnywomen Says:

    Agreed! Hips are undeniably attractive.

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