I’m so tired, but there’s no vacation from this life.  Must keep soldiering on even though I want to crawl into a hole.   It’s exhausting to keep up this cheerful façade; everyone presumes the vigor comes from some endless well that requires no maintainence.  They feel free to tap into it until it’s nearly dry and the gears lock up.

I am not a paragon of virtue, only a human being trying to live as well as possible without carrying the world on my back.   My efforts do not excuse others from theirs.  Have we ever seen evidence that coat-tail riding translates into success for the passenger?  Arriving at the destination doesn’t mean one has arrived; only that you’ve managed to show up.

It might be easier if they were happy riders.  But despite their loud claims to the contrary, they still want to hold onto their old habits and fears which makes movement nearly impossible.  What vehicle can travel if its brakes are set? 

Not that I really blame them actually.  There was a time when I, too, wanted all the trappings of a happy life without having to do the work to get them.  I wanted them handed to me on a silver platter.  Strangely enough when I was gifted a few, I had no idea what to do with them.  It was like being sent to live in Paris without any knowledge of the language or customs.  There’s no way to fake your way through it.

And no matter how much I repeat it, that lesson is always the last learned.  There is no easy way to obtain peace and contentment; you have to wean yourself from the pacifier and take those wobbly steps on your own.  If you want to walk, walk.  If you want to fly, fly.  No one can do it for you.

So it seems I must shake off my hangers-on because not only do they drain me, they have no real idea of what awaits them.  Their enthusiasm will sour when they discover they’re unable to navigate the new surroundings and they will blame the pilot for error.


4 Responses to “LESS THAN ZERO”

  1. What exactly defines “peace” and “contentment” for you? What have you set your expectations on? If you realized it, would you choose to redefine (reinvent) those expectations to better suite you and what actually makes you happy?

    Happiness for a lot of people seems to be based on a standard of society. They try to reach it, but its just too far over thier heads and then they just decide their not good enough.

  2. Happiness is a relative term, most of which is defined by conditioning. If you are told what equals happiness, go out and get it, but feel disappointed after obtaining it, it’s likely that your idea of fulfillment has been set by another.

    What’s harder, but ultimately rewarding, is scraping off all the conditioned ideas and discovering your unique requirements for a happy life. It might be something completely unexpected.


  3. Happiness, to me, is being content that you are doing the best you can with the gifts you’ve been given, or those you have developed yourself. And contentment… I think it is all right to be content with where you are and if you’re lucky, who you are with – but content with who you are is a constant state of improvement, so contentment in that area I believe leads to stagnation.

  4. Agreed, but contentment doesn’t necessarily mean entrenchment. If we all are in constant states of flux, moving either forward or downward, contentment might be a simple happy willingness to be in motion.

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