It seemed like an ordinary moment within a non-descript day.  The usual indicators were there:  hostility, suspicion and frustration.  Despite fervent prayers and non-stop chanting, the pain in my solar plexus wouldn’t let up.  The pressure was so intense, something had to be done before the combatants disintegrated into intractable heaps of dust.

Without warning the balloon burst, not with fanfare and a choir of angels, but quietly.  Before I even realized it, the deed was done and the opponents fell away neutralized.   The haze lifted and the parties regarded each other with detachment and new found respect.

Were they so weary of the stand-off that they gave up, or was what transpired beyond human reach?  It stripped away the egocentric posturing and the juvenile resentment that impaired an otherwise friendly association, and for the first time in years, perhaps ever, they stood as platonic equals.  Without the burden of expectation, they could see clearly and realize that the task ahead was not necessarily a bad or good one, but only one that must be faced with compassion.

It’s hard to receive loving kindness unless you are first willing to give it freely and without condition.  You cannot tie your gift to expectation of return.  It must be given without attachment.  You might be deeply cherishing a specific outcome, perhaps understanding, love or freedom, but none of these are obtainable through the usual routes.  The boundlessness we all crave is only found when you stop your habit of binding. 

How can you expect infinite love or joy from another if you demand prerequesites?  I want perfect love and happiness from you, but it must take this shape.   Perfection has no shape.  It exists quite happily of itself without the intervention of well-meaning but clueless interlopers who are determined to box everything in manageable piles.  

Formlessness is untidy.  We feel compelled to sweep the portions available to us into bite-sized pieces that are less threatening and more digestible.  Maybe it’s the grasping of our minds onto that which cannot be held that makes us so jumpy.  However, it’s only when you’re willing to let go of what you want that it actually comes to you.



  1. okathleen Says:

    It’s life Jim but not as we know it..

  2. * regarded each other with detachment and new found respect*

    can the latter happen without the former in these situations? sadder, but easier to breathe.

    *and realize that the task ahead was not necessarily a bad or good one, but only one that must be faced with compassion.*

    very nice, kimmy.

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