I shall attempt to behave like a normal human being.  Don’t laugh; it’s possible that with serious effort, and a little guile, I may be able to fool even the experts.  I will complain about the stock market, the price of fuel and sciatica.  With these, I could pass as any common Midwesterner.

However,  the spring in my step and the Cheshire cat smile on my face might draw undue attention.  The worst thing that can happen is to be outted as an optimist.  Perhaps if I cultivated a demeanor of resignation and slumped in my chair, I might be less noticeable.

From now on, I shall endeavor to be as dull as possible.  I won’t question why people behave like idiots; instead I shall embrace them as my own and cultivate my own stupidity.  When asked for an opinion, I will demur and bat my eyes.  I will obtain all my news from tabloid sources and worship at the celebrity altar.  I will ignore my neighbors, envy my colleagues at work and generate as much garbage as possible.  

I will enlarge my carbon footprint until it can squash Manhattan.  Then I shall commiserate with a few of my tree-hugging pals, decrying the state of the environment as we shoot 18 holes on a well-watered lawn in Las Vegas.  I will drive a luxury SUV and park in the handicapped spaces. 

I will make no apology for being amoral.   Entitlement is my motto.  I will elbow everyone aside until I obtain the best for myself, then I will refuse to share it.  When I have scaled the corporate mountain and grabbed the brass ring, I will pull up the ladder behind me and flip the bird.

Then again . . . maybe I won’t.


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