WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL

Body fur has become passe.  Despite the best efforts of Birkenstock lovers worldwide, tufts of hair peeking out from under organic sack dresses or over the top of wooly socks are an unsightly mess that must be dealt with swiftly.  

The need for hasty removal has more and more people lining up for sessions with their local hot waxer.  What could be more delightful than a quick but painful lesson on the downside of secondary sex characteristics?  A few yanks and all those troublesome problems are neatly pulled out at the root, leaving one breathless but appropriately baby-smooth.

Lest you think it’s only women who are in a rush to leave the offense wrapped up in the trash, ponder the gents who, in an effort to look their best, exchange the unibrow for a perfect Joan Crawford arch.   Or, unable to bear another reference to Sasquatch, they avail themselves of the waxer’s sticky potion, desperate to leave behind the unfavorable comparison and assume a more socially acceptable role.

Historically, hair has always played a starring role.  Whether coiffed, veiled or wigged, its presence conveyed much to the onlooker.  One could identify rank, occupation, personality and availability.  What then can we determine about the new wave of hairlessness?  What is its manifesto? 

They cannot all be like the ancient Egyptians who removed their hair in response to heat.  Or the medieval Japanese who shaved off their eyebrows and their European counterparts who razored their hairlines.  Is this, too, only a fashion, destined to be ridiculed by some blogger of the future?

We all want to appear attractive.  Whether to the same or opposite sex is somewhat irrelevant since all parties in question are pulling out their hair, especially in the nether regions.  What started as a bikini-warranted necessity has become a staple for the porn star and average Joe.  And although mens’ sudden embrace of this painful practice could be attributed to the favorable optical illusion gained by such, it seems odd to appear both sexually mature and immature at the same time.

Perhaps middle-aged obsession with youth has trickled down into youth itself.  Even kids take pains (literally) to look younger.  What was once an eagerly awaited arrival, is now zipped off as soon as it appears.  Why should anyone be caught dead with a full bush?  It’s so 1970s. 

And speaking of the dim past, even James Bond has been manscaped.  Consider the fuzzy Sean Connery, swaggering into a room and slapping the fanny of the fetching beauty inside.   Would the urbane Daniel Craig, slick and hairless, dare to the the same?  Would he even bother?  Both men, at least in theory, will kill for queen and country, but which one will dally with his target before sending her to hell?

Before the advent of wholesale hair removal, it was easier to spot who was potentially dangerous… or fun.  With both sexes equally homogenized, these lines are blurred.  This might be just another step on the evolutionary road or a temporary detour.  In either case, the way will be littered with strips of waxy muslin and hair trapped like threads caught in amber resin.

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4 Responses to “WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL”

  1. Hmmm… are you reflecting on your own ordeal or content with your fuzziness?

  2. "Sister" Sara Says:

    Yeeeeouch! I’m having sympathy pains!!! I agree that fashion, more and more equals pain. I’m just old enough that I only just found out what a “Brazilian” was just about a year ago. Good lord! It’s not enough to be content enough, or not, with the hair that people actually see but THEN I find out that you have to bend over in a mirror (backwards) to examine if you have too much hair betwixt your butt cheeks! I can tell you that if the man you’re with can’t be happy with a woman in the rack who has a little stray hair…uh, THERE, can go take a long damn shower! As for leg and underarm hair, I’ve been automatically going through that shaving ritual so long, it’s like breathing! I don’t even think about it! As for wooly guys, well I’ve had experience with both in an intimate setting. Me? I just remember sensually kissing and licking a hairy chest only to feel like I was going to need Dental Floss, or the need to cough up a hairball later:) I personally prefer smooth skin myself. But, I believe that we should leave it up to the question of compatibility. Some dig shaggy, some don’t. I can’t imagine asking a guy to wax it though. How embarrassing for the guy! Oh honey, you’re so hot but you’d be even hotter if you’d submit yourself to a stranger to smear hot splat on you and rip off your rug! EGAD! I know how I would feel if someone asked me to submit to torture so they could get their rocks off better if I were to get one of those Brazilian numbers. I find that I’m wincing and smiling at the same time now because fashion really IS turning us into store front manicans! We’ll end up looking like those extra-terrestrials in Sci-Fi
    movies. Sheesh! If we follow what the fashion gurus tell us, we’ll end up like E.T. emaciated and hairless. I think maybe it’s just a matter of taste, what we’re attracted to, AND should stay that way.

  3. I have just read an article here in Holland that now even girls as young as 11 or 12 are getting waxed, even Brazilian waxes. What kind of message are we giving to those children if we do things like that to them?

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