SCRAPING THE GOOP FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the insufferable Gwyneth Paltrow -pictured here with fellow attention-seeker and ersatz yogini Madonna- announces the ultimate cure for mediocrity. 

Sadly it does NOT include her plans to retire from film.  Instead she has launched a stunningly self-congratulatory blog, GOOP.com,  brimming with vague Heloise-esque tips for living a proper life.  “My life is good because I am not passive about it,” she scolds, admonishing the indolent reader.  “Don’t be lazy.” 

Alas, what can the unwashed masses do but hang their bovine heads in shame?  We have nothing to show for our miserable efforts.  Not many of us boast Oscar statuettes, trim thighs, and chic bi-coastal lives.  

Now we can relax, because GP has come to share the wealth of her vast experience.  By ingesting these nuggets of wisdom, we will live richer, ‘more nourished’ lives, lives which prior to her second coming were devoid of worth. 

It’s easy to become deluded in Hollywood.  Even more so when the starlet in question has led a life of extreme privilege and nepotism.  Her life, without question, has been charmed.  But it is not the result of hard work and determination, but of luxury and preferential treatment.  To claim otherwise is simply pandering to the reader.

It may come as as unpleasant suprise to Ms. P, but most adults are rational and know perfectly well how to manage their own lives.  They also resent being lectured, especially if the mouth in question is a snivelling elitist who spends 3 hours a day in the gym. 

It’s a pity that she doesn’t spend an equal amount of time working on her head.

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2 Responses to “SCRAPING THE GOOP FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE”

  1. "Sister" Sara Says:

    Hahaha!

    Girl, step AWAY from those People magazines in the checkout lines! Wow, who fucking cares about GP anyway? We all have the right to give advice, to take it or not to take it…Somehow I don’t think women of the world are changing their views according to any Hollywood icon, at least not for long if it conflicts with their own sensibilities. Come on now, privilege and good looks do not negate intelligence. I know some perfectly hideous people who are completely devoid of wisdom. It’s just the packaging, just a shell. Who knows what her soul is like? I’m way too busy trying to live my life the best I can and acquire wisdom from my experiences to waste one moment on weighing the value of some far-removed film star that is unknown to me. She may not be adding to the quality of your life but she’s not harming anybody. We’re all just throwing it out there, looking for a connection or an outlet. Your comments almost sound bitter and I know you’ve got it going on way to much to be that way. Aren’t we all just here, on this earthly plane to get over our illusion of separateness? So what the hell, let her blog on…we do:)

  2. Ah, but if it was only confined to the checkout aisle… Apparently, the Chicago Tribune decided that it warranted its own article and accompanying photo.

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