WHO NEEDS BRAINS WHEN YOU HAVE TITS?

It’s not the deep thinker who’s featured on the cover of Maxim.  I doubt Bella Abzug was ever photographed wearing a corset and push-up bra.  And even though countless actresses, entertainers and debutantes whine about their political causes and despair of being taken seriously, they rarely make a public appearance, whether it’s a Starbucks run or premiere, without displaying the ‘girls’ to their best advantage.

Not that I really blame them; what can a gal do?  It’s not the inside of our heads that turns heads.  Just today I listened as a friend complained about her obnoxious sister-in-law, a shrill uneducated harpy who spends her time emasculating her husband and sulking.  Yet despite these conditions, her husband remains devoted.  The story made me wonder….What could make a man lose his reason and become enslaved to a woman clearly his inferior?  Could it be… the tits?

It’s not so farfetched an explanation.  Where can one go where tits are not?  A monastery?  Newspapers, television, maga and webzines all feature some starlet du jour with an impressive rack.   Cup sizes often become more familiar than names.  Is it really important to actually know their names anyway?  Their tits always enter a room before they do; perhaps we should acquaint ourselves with their projections first.

Not long ago, sizeable tits were unfashionable.  Sleek perky tits that bounced under halter tops and sweaters were desirable.  Knockers that required support were old school. Women were admonished with the warning that unless the trusty pencil, slipped under a boob, hit the floor within 10 seconds they could no longer be seen in public unless both tits were safely encased in grandma’s torpedo bra.

Lucky for today’s rack enthusiast, that old wives tale has been forgotten or at least ignored by the stacked.  The aerodynamic qualities of the breast lend themselves well to both social climbing and career building.  And the cost of a boob job is significantly lower than obtaining an MBA in finance, something to consider now that the dow has slumped to all-time lows.

So, congratulations to the ambitious and well-endowed!  The loss of common reason is your gain, ladies!   Enjoy the ride while you can because there will come a day when even surgery can’t lift your tits out of your shoes.

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4 Responses to “WHO NEEDS BRAINS WHEN YOU HAVE TITS?”

  1. "Sister" Sara Says:

    I agree with you, Kimmie. I don’t think the problem is with the “tits.” I see the problem as being the society that has prompted us to blow up, shape, and squash them into a fashionable form. The boobs are innocent. It’s too bad that in the past we have had to cover them and flatten them in order to not overly excite those who are still in power, namely men. Face it, it’s still a patriarchal society. If breasts had not been deemed a sexual set of playthings for men, instead of appendages to feed our young, they wouldn’t have that naughty allure. My issue deals with the attitude and the motives of the women who display them. Is it because she is comfortable with her body and secure in the glory of her femininity, the shape of the goddess that brings forth and nurtures life? Could it be that she acutely feels the pressure from a male-dominated society that compels her to compete with her female counterparts for the attention of those in power, to seek out and couple with the alpha male, the pack leader, by manipulating him and dazzling him with her alpha-female “attributes?” I think it is just sad that we assume that a woman who is comfortable with showing some cleavage has no intelligence, no artistic soul, no passionate opinions or feelings about anything of importance. I too, in the past have been guilty of this kind of judgment of my female sisters. I believe that for me,
    it stemmed from the kind of jealousy that is sparked from feeling like I was trapped into competition with a woman who was willing to use her feminine “attributes” as an attention-getting method. How many women dress in a fashion that shows off her breasts when gathering with other women? Not too many I think. Unfortunately it’s all about the men, ladies. I’m still hoping to see the day when what we were blessed with is enough in any arena. I’m still hoping for the time that on a hot summer afternoon, I can take off my shirt, like one of my male children, and not draw notice. On behalf of men though, I want to say that not all fellows are blinded by boobs. They have also been programmed by the attitudes of their fathers and their father’s fathers. But hey, they are still undeniably the ones in power and why would they want to give that up? I say it’s about time that we start supporting each other and stop this senseless competition. If we don’t we’re just fanning the flames of this already male-dominated world.

  2. I think you skirts are overthinking the whole thing.

    Cough up the funbags!
    😀

  3. You’re right, Sister Sara, it would be nice to whip them out on a hot summer afternoon….. for Ard!

  4. "Sister" Sara Says:

    Screw Ard!

    I just get tired of the sweat build-up that soaks my bra!

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