THE JOLIE-PITT TWINS WILL SAVE MANKIND

Now that they’ve been safely delivered, we can expect miracles to occur any day now.   The Holy Family is resting comfortably in the Riveria, where the contents of the creche generate more interest than causes that Ma and Pa champion.  Is there nothing that those wee little photo-ops can’t do?

With the global media bringing the gold, ineffectual political figureheads supplying the frankincense and the collapsing movie industry providing the myrrh, it’s up to the great herds of the unwashed to furnish the adoration.  And adore them they will, for who but the truly worthy are rich, beautiful and privileged?

Like cream floating to the top, the celebrity elite rise above the worthless scum that bankroll them.  Virtuous, selfless, and devoted to pet causes, they are the living embodiment of saint-like purity on earth, every veneered smile and botoxed forehead further evidence of God’s favor.  What can the mediocre do but worship?

The Almighty no longer strikes down His beloved with affliction and toil; instead He raises them above others and blesses them with fortunes large enough that they may quarantine themselves from their inferiors.  Bodyguards, nannies, personal chefs and Pilates instructors He gives them, all ready and able to assume the monotonous duties which might interfere with self-admiration.   Agents, stylists and personal assistants, too, are ready, seraphim in a choir seeking only to serve. 

One day certain, the world will have its look at the new arrivals and feel vicariously blessed.  A birth of this magnitude cannot be contained in an African field hospital or FEMA tent!  The celestial cherubs have taken human form at last and will grace the unworthy inhabitants of this dirty and crowded planet with their presence, and all will be made right.

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3 Responses to “THE JOLIE-PITT TWINS WILL SAVE MANKIND”

  1. Cool post. I like the tone you have taken, and cannot say that I disagree with even a single word in your post! Irony rules!

  2. Thanks, D! Sometimes irony is the only way to make the intolerable bearable. ;-)))

  3. *LMAO*

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