Can your inner life become an entity unto itself?  Is it possible that it can manifest into a creature that has to be reckoned with, as real as a living lover and just as cumbersome?  I was soon to find out.

After spending my entire life in a daydream, I woke up the other day to discover an unwelcome party encamped in my bed.  It was lodged firmly between my husband and myself, rooted to the spot like a petulant child.  It was a blob of self-created fantasy so big that it nearly pushed both of us out of bed. 

I immediately recognized my handiwork and that alarmed me.  How did the thing migrate from my head to partycrasher?  Aren’t mental scenarios confined to the brain?  Apparently, this one was not and it seemed in no hurry to leave the comfort of my marital bed, not a terrible prospect if this fantasy had actually involved  my husband.

Of course it did not.  This misshapen intruder was the result of countless hours dreaming about a life which did not include him, a life which bears no resemblance at all to the unremarkable life I live during my waking one.  It’s full of pathos, my blobby offspring; rich with torrid romance and exhilirating emotions, and topped with a gooey thick icing of maudlin sentiment and chocolate sprinkles.   Satin sheets, rose petals, bearskin rugs and red carpet strolls in haute couture, accompanied by a soundtrack of applause and a portfolio of expensive real estate.  It’s glorious, vain and masturbatory, like a secret addiction which is intensely pleasurable but destructive.

I needed an intervention.  So, I convened a group of my closest advisors -reason, judgment and common sense- and threw myself at their mercy.  They showed me none.  Harsh, cold and unmoved by my tears, they threatened to leave me completely if I chose not to take the help they offered. 

What else could I do?  I boarded the plane and flew away to rehab.  I only wonder if I’ll survive ninety days without champange wishes and caviar dreams.


2 Responses to “THREE’S A CROWD”

  1. "Sister" Sara Says:

    Greetings Divine Kim-eee!
    Oh boy, do I recognize the beastie that we bring to life by sacrificing our own to it!
    It’s curious how we can build such a detailed inner world in our mind, complete with characters, scenery, relationships, and situations. One can go through the motions of a day-to-day existence on this earthly plane, all the while secretly taking a parallel path in one’s mind and heart that barely includes the people dearest to us. We can find ourselves nodding in response at appropriate intervals to those who are trying to communicate with us, whilst we are really off in what we consider to be a “richer” environment. We become board with “real” life and entertain pure fantasy until we become so adept that we are keeping one eye on the door, which is slightly ajar, where we could most certainly leave reality all together. Nice save. I salute you!

  2. Caroline Says:

    I think that the inner life is necessary to survive. As you say, everyday life can be boring most of the time, and however nice it is, there is always a lot you can dream about, and those dreams can be just as real as “real” life. I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world!

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